No one panic, but I lost my job a few days ago. I regret not blogging about this job while I was excited about it, because you would have truly got the chance to see how much I put into it. You also would have gotten to hear about the terrible decline as I realized just the kind of people I was employed by. I could go on a rant about the lying, irresponsibility and downright shadiness I witnessed, but I wont. Not because I don't think the world should know, I just know it wont make a difference. They will be their own undoing, and I am relieved to not have to watch the ship go down. And if by chance they make it, well, I wouldn't have wanted to be there to sell my soul to help.
Now, I am unemployed, in a position where I don't have to get another job for awhile, and I've just been pacing around my empty apartment, not knowing what to do with myself. I got the food that I wanted to eat today, started catching up on Breaking Bad, smoked some weed, a couple cigarettes, then almost had an anxiety attack on my fire escape. I don't mean like, "I can't breath. I'm DYING!" type of anxiety...just, "Oh shit, what the hell am I gonna do with my life?" anxiety.
I have been in New York for over 7 months, and I find myself in the oddest position. Good, but just not somewhere I ever thought I would be. I have a fucking amazing boyfriend. I mean, not for nothin, he is just the best thing that has ever happened to me. He now makes 3 awesome people whom I have built a home with that I just love to pieces. We are cramped but cozy, and I can't say how fortunate I feel to have them all together in one place. So, home is good.
My mantra is that everything happens for a reason, and even though change is going to make me anxious, it is what it is. For the first time EVER, I have the opportunity to just explore and figure out exactly what I want to do. It is fucking fall in New York. It is beautiful outside. I can go for a walk, shop in the city, ride the train around and see where I end up. Plus, I can write all about it! No work drama, no home drama, just the beauty of life that I haven't gotten a chance to just sit around and enjoy for years. Some people are never afforded this opportunity and I would be such a punk ass poser if I let it slip by me. I don't know what I did in life, actually scratch that, all the bullshit I dealt with in life, brought me here, and I deserve it. My dream of being able to just focus on writing has been realized, this Jackie may just make something of her self very soon. Thank all of you who have stuck by and continued to follow along, even when I was being a jerk and neglecting this page.
I am only on Day 2 of "Funemployment", so I am still doing the initial, sit around the house and relax stage, but I guarantee I will be bored of that by Monday. So, this blog will now be my #1 priority. I hope all this works out as well as I see it doing so in my head.
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