All Things Considered

I was hoping that I would start my blog with what an eye opening experience I had today, I am now fully enlightened and charged for the cause....but that's just not true.  First off, it took me a few hours to well up the energy and desire to take the train for 40 minutes to go to Zuccotti Park.  It wasn't because I didn't want to go, but I had a lot of coffee this morning and it was very difficult for me to calm down and quiet my brain.  We can say I had a lot of "zenning" to do before I felt comfortable leaving.  I smoked a bowl, to level me out, and made the journey.  Its only one train and about a 7 minute walk, it was a nice evening and I do love seeing Ground Zero at night time.   So finally around 6 I arrive at the park wide eyed with an open mind.  


The park is small but filled to the brim with hopeful faced protesters.  There was a very large crowd gathered at the entrance on Broadway.  There was a choir standing on the stairs and some strange man, who by the way he was dressed, I am assuming was a pastor of some kind(but the kind of pastor on late night evangelical shows), speaking to the crowd.  They were doing the whole "human microphone" thing, where one person speaks and the crowd mimics back.  From where I was standing I could see the crowd pretty well, and almost hear what the Protesting Pastor had to say, but not quite.  This microphone is good at building drama, but not exactly effective for getting speeches across unless you are within about 20 feet.  I strained to hear, or at least understand the essence of the message just through the blissful looks on peoples faces, but still nothing.  Then they started singing, a great choir, singing a song they had written about the protest.  One thing I can say, I am a sucker for a good sing a long, so I almost let myself be swept away, almost.  


I waited and watched the crowd for as long as I could until I gave in to the fact that it was futile to try and gain any understanding in this way.  I broke away and wandered through the tent city that is now set up in the park.  This was a pleasant surprise I must say.  From my Mom's recounting of the Occupy LA crowd, they smell like shit, they piss all over the lawn and kill the grass.  She works at City Hall and looks at them everyday, so I trust her on this one.  Occupy Wall Street is a startlingly clean, well organized, efficient group of hippies if I may say so myself.  And don't give me any of this "They aren't all hippies" bullshit.  I was there, I was watching, the main organizational scheme is setup by a group that I know must have narrowed it down after many a "Burning Man".  They have compost, a sanitary area, they have a kitchen going making food for everyone, I see that someone had donated pizza, they had an impressive stock of food, and all of it cleaner than most of the city.  I have to hand it to those at the core of this movement, they built the community fast. 


I walked deeper and deeper into it, which was strange because there was tons of people walking around, as you follow the path through the park, you are surrounded on all sides by campers.  Tents, tarps, boxes, whatever, these people are sure as shit living there.  And from the looks of it, they could stay there until it snows.  I tried to ignore the vast amounts of people I saw plugging away on their ipads and ibooks, as I was determined to not let my opinions get the best of me, but some of those people had impeccable gear. Trustafarians is I guess the word the kids use now.  Trust fund kids trying to squeeze their way into the 99%, eager to be a part of something besides their Daddy's Country Club.  Either way, for the most part I was deeply impressed at their gusto and efficiency.  Also it was very diverse.  All types of people, old, young, black, white, you name it.  But as I am realizing in the Realism vs.  Idealism battle I have waging in my head, I felt like this glimpse of utopia was just too good to be true.  


"This is just the beginning." I swear to Jeebus I have heard that shit like 50 times today.  It's true.  It is the beginning.  But beginning of what? The beginning to a solution? The beginning to a bigger problem? The beginning of the end?  I believe it is all of the above.  I went around the park quite a few times, happening to bump into a former friend who also happens to be one of the most useless, noncontributing, free hand out looking mother fuckers I have met while in NY.  I started to feel the gnaw of opinion and generalization in the back of my mind, but I just kept on walking, making sure to read all the signs on the way.  Some messages spoke to me, the sense of community was beautiful, the passion was palpable, but still, something just didn't feel right.  That is the feeling I have had this whole time, the unexplainable gut feeling you get with something is "off".  After I had meandered through the groups a little bit, I made my way back to the crowd I had started off watching.  They were still singing, and chanting(not to be confused with the strange creepy hippies who were also singing and chanting, but to an alter and while wearing turbans), and trying to get people amped.  Then I started to notice a tear in the crowd.  Some people were starting to grow more agitated and aggressive, they started their own chants, and shouted their own opinions.  Some were ready to rage, tired of this passive sitting and singing, they wanted to get crazy.  It made me smile.  


This, I believe will be the undoing of the whole thing.  Eventually this unity is going to have to split.  Not even in half, but into quarters, and tenths. One of the main criticisms of this movement is its lack of direction.  That was actually part of what I agreed with in terms of the protest.  No one having to be right, no one having to be in charge, or say their point is the most important, it was just everyone, being pissed about the state of things.  Now don't get me wrong, I think a lot of people are confused about my opposition, its not that I think the people are wrong, I think it has been a long time coming.  I for one have been waiting on a Revolution since before I could vote, I am happy the rest of the world finally woke the fuck up.  I just believe that sitting around in a park and eating fucking Vegan Food Not Bombs handout meals is not the way to go.  I think people should be more angry.  If I had lost my house and my job, I'd be furious as shit.  


But this is where the rift in the movement will come.  Those "in charge" today spoke of a meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning where a committee will sit and they will draft up a list of actual demands.  Now what makes anyone think this is going to work out all nice and tidy like? Someone is going to have to be in charge, but they don't want for anyone to be in charge, also, everyone has their own idea of what is the most important cause is,  who decides what the demands are?? Unanimous vote in a crowd full of strangers?  If it were that easy we'd be living in the goddamn Garden of Eden right now.   Also, the tension between those who are ready for the Loud and Hard Revolution, and those who are content to just "Occupy".  


One of the things I noticed and found most amusing about the whole thing is that when the Occupiers were chanting and singing and doing that jazz hand thing that signifies deaf people clapping, a Revolutionary would start chanting something a little more intense, something a little more forceful, the  Occupiers would actually turn around and start throwing dirty looks and shushing them.  I almost laughed out loud.  There is already civil unrest in their self built Utopia, what chance to do they have against "The Man"???  I believe change is possible when the government takes this shit seriously.  They aren't going to take anything seriously until something is on fire and people are running or fighting for their lives.  You all saw what the NYPD is capable of.  They did that shit on purpose.  Pepper spray a few protesters, treat 'em like wild animals, and it sure quieted their asses down didn't it? Got people running around using their camera phones as weapons.  Cops display a massive presence at every event, and they are not scared.  If they aren't scared, I guarantee Mr. Joe Shmoe Billionaire on the 88th floor looking down isn't scared either.  


I really did try and be subjective, and I do have a new found respect for a lot of the people that were down there.  The resourcefulness and commitment alone was more than I expected, but over all, I did not find myself moved, or persuaded.  I really wanted that feeling of unity with my fellow man and all that, I really did, its my generation and I feel cut off not being a part of it.  Although at the same time, I feel like I'm ready for the part of this protest that these others haven't even considered yet.  I am ready for the mayhem, I am ready for the panic.  All these shushing ass passive hippies, Trustafarians and crusty punk rock children are not going to be ready for Martial Law.  Not ready at all.  Surviving in a park is not the same as surviving in a world that you wanted to see built up from scratch.  


You want your utopia? You better be willing to kill for it, because that's they only way its gonna go down.  You want a restructure? You want the shift of wealth to change? Someone else is going to have to be in charge.  You are going to have to trust each other.  And I feel the same way about this as I do the bible.  In it, God says you should never trust man, because man is inherently sinful, yet man wrote the bible, so how can you believe it? "The people" say they have the solution, "The People" have the ideas and demands that are gonna turn this country right around an get it back on the right track?  Well who the fuck are these people? I believe this country was founded and built by people who were tired of being oppressed, so they moved away to somewhere else, declared it free and then slowly but surely oppressed the hell out of it anyways.  History is doomed to repeat itself, so I just fail to see the entire point of this.  We were built on capitalism, capitalism will be sure to take us down.  Maybe if all you hopeful singing chanters are lucky, one of our many enemies will bomb the shit out of us and take out 3/4 of the population, then you can commune all you fucking want.  Start from scratch.  Build your own society.


In conclusion, I will return to Zuccotti Park, I will continue to watch it unfold, I will read their signs and shake my head at half naked dancing hippies.  I went with an open mind, but for now, my mind is made up.  If you don't like it, I really don't give a fuck.  If you think I'm apathetic, I don't give a fuck about that either. I have been against banks, the media and all that shit forever.  I don't feel passion or empathy for people rubbing their eyes like babies waking from a nap.  Looking up at "The Man" and pointing fingers, "Hey! You tricked me! You took my money! I've been duped and now I'm pissed!".  Duh humans.  Duh.  It was the whole point of the establishment, welcome to reality.  Now either shut up and deal with it, or storm the fucking castle and get on with it.  Good luck to all parties involved, I really truly mean that.  If I am wrong, I will issue a formal apology/congratulations to all.  But I wont hold my breath, and neither should you.

Homeostasis

This is the first blog from my new laptop.  Yes, ladies and gents, The Jackie is back in action.  All in part to my lovely boo, Bill Blood.  The man keeps me sane and loved, what can I say?  I can say that my life is the shit, that's what I can say.  When I bought my one way ticket to New York City, with 3 friends, no job, no long term place to stay, and one hell of a "can do" attitude, I knew I was headed in the right direction. 


For so long in Los Angeles I felt unsure of everything.  I found out my lifelong best friend was a raggedy ass jerk. I couldn't decide if my grandparents were ready to be on their own.  My mom wrangled herself a sweet homestead.  I was just floating around from one bar to the next, one joint to the next, one party to the next, which I guess isn't too different than how I am now, then I just wasn't feeling to good about it.  All I was sure of was that I needed change. 


I have had a few points in New York where I thought, it just couldn't get better than this, and somehow it always does.  I'm not going to say that I wasn't a little depressed when I lost my job at Jerkface Motorworks, I wasn't really expecting it, and I got played out pretty bad, so it was understandable that I have done an acceptable amount of moping.  A part time job would be really helpful, something where I can serve semi-douchey people some coffee or used clothes or whatever.  Somewhere that will have me and not treat me like a bitch.  I don't ask for much.  


It makes me sound mostly-douchey for saying this, but I have had a bit of a hard time adjusting to not having a job and not worrying about it.  Sounds like everyones dream, yeah, yeah, I know all about it.  Now that I realize I'm not going to wake up from this dream, its growing on me kinda nicely, but at first, its a little bit shocking. I haven't not worked for almost a decade, minus the year I lived with my grandparents.  I felt totally, utterly, completely fucking useless.  Not bringing in my own money, absurd.  All of a sudden I got all feminist on myself, like, "Ain't no man gonna be takin' care of my ass.  No way, I'm independent, I got my own shit, I got my own clothes, I buy my own Metrocard."  I guess that's how I was raised, and it's not a bad thing, a girls gotta get her own in this world.  But, I have nothing to prove.  I already made it clear I could take care of myself, everyone knows it.  


This is no free handout though, let me tell you.  I am Housewife, USA right now.  Doing laundry, making breakfast, I'm getting domestic up in here.   I like it, I complain like Peggy Bundy, but I actually do what needs to be done, very well I might add, then whine about it later.  So far, so good.  We have quite the little household going on.  Me, Bill, Sage and Tyler have a good thing going here.  We are simple people, who have incredibly awesome lives.  And the best part is, it will still keep getting better than this.  I didn't know what I was looking for when I left LA, but I am pretty sure I found it.  


Okay, my Cheese Meter has reached capacity, but stay tuned for my next update.  Tuesday, The Jackie goes on location to Wall Street.  Guaranteed to be brutally honest, mostly offensive and entertaining for all.  

Civil Unrest

It's autumn in New York, so beautiful, so crisp.  The wind is blowing, and it seems to have brought with it an Occupation.  Everyone is up in arms and all up in the street.  I haven't actually gone down there to check it out, and this is for a number of reasons.  One of them being that I don't actually give a shit.  Sorry, I had to say it.  We all know this country is corrupt, everyone complains about it, constantly.  I complain a whole lot about people( well, maybe not as much "complain about" as "make fun of), but I figured the State of the Union was a tacit understanding between all of us.  It fucking sucks.  They take all our money, charge as up the asshole for EVERYTHING, cops and rich people get to do whatever they want, but it is what it is.  




Now before everyone starts getting all crazy, I also understand the need for change, and our rights, and free speech, all that.  I am just completely convinced that the people that the message is intended for, don't give a shit.  If any changes are actually made, they will be made in such a way that they will still get something out of it.  
So you go stomp around in the streets with your human microphone or whatever it is, hold up traffic, force the city to pay for even more cops to be out, arresting people who have to pay the city back more money...it sounds ridiculous to me.  As foul as this country is sometimes, we don't live in huts.  We have running water.  No genocide.  No bombings. Fertile land.   Who the fuck are we to protest anything?  




Another reason is that I do my best to stay under the grid.  I have as little to do with the government as possible, I do not do anything that will put me in contact with police, I do not have credit.  I am my own Revolution, and the best kind of revolution is an underground one.  Hollering in the streets "The World is Watching", yeah, they are, and I would rather they not see my face, thank you.  




I thought I was just apathetic, but on further consideration, I'm not.  I give a shit about something, I give a shit about myself.  I ain't afraid to say it either.  I give a shit about me, my friends, my family, thats it.  Fuck the government, fuck the media, be prepared.  I understand the unrest.  I really do, I've felt the unrest my whole life.  I have always questioned authority, I couldn't give a shit less about politics because I have never trusted any of it, even as a kid.  I have watched people get hopeful and disappointed at every election.  But everyone still keeps hope.  I guess I am just cynical, but I am also prepared.  You have to find away to survive and get by when the government continues to fail you.  Occupy yourself.




Everything is in such extremes right now, the whole world pretty much sits on the edge of their seats waiting for the shit to go down, but no one really puts too much thought into what that shit is.  This country would have to tear itself down before it could rebuild with this idealistic perspective everyone has in their heads.  Get over it.  The powers that be would blow dying ass Mother Earth up before they would let us actually have any rights.  So unless you are ready to go into full on apocalyptic survival mode, we are no where near change.  


I think we should be occupying our time, starting little tiny Revolutions every day.  Thats just me, and of course I could be wrong, that would make me an asshole, but at least we would be around long enough to prove it.


And on a side note, if this shit lasts long enough...I'll eventually have to go down to Wall Street and check it out.  Morbid curiosity and all.